i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
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Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
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We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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