Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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