I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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