I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
