he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
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well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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