U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize