Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
