Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
