Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
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He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
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I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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