Non-Jews are for practice
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
