I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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