You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
