so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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