I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
