Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
