either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
