My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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