she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
