So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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