Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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