I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
