We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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