last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
40s are totally the cure
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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