Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
