my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
