We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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