I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So here I am, sexting at work.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
