I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
