I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
