I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
