I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
