If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
