On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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