I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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