Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
