capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
