when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
