Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
