just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
