She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
