The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
