What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
