I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
