Will you blow on my dice?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
