I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
