I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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