4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I will pee on everything he values.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
