shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i will never coherently bang her
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
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He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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