Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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