If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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