with your own penis?
just tell him i said nine months
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
