Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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