suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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