why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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