I smell stomach acid.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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