We're like a lot better than the average bears
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
