So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
