Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
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