There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
