I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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