i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
