walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
