don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
