going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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