The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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